Wednesday, November 22, 2006
So High!
Worshipping God with Hillsong United and the rest of the people who are absolutely crazy and insane in loving the ONE GOD brings incomparable happiness. Each time I worship, I am automatically brought to the state wherein everything just spins and I feel like I am being bathed in eternal embrace with my God; last night, was just a blast. The worship was different from that we have in YFC but it still left me on a high. Up to this very moment, there were no others songs that blasted in my ears but songs of loving and honoring God. Because of excitement and the feeling of euphoria I downloaded the songs I have heard last night.
And it was just amazing...how people, the youth particularly can write about God and become witnesses by their God-given talent of composing songs.
Now I became more determined to compose my own hymn for God. If not a hymn, a very special poem.
I have said before that I still find it hard to write a poem for God because I can't find the right words to describe how GOOD and AMAZING He works in me.
But this Christmas, on the birthday of my Jesus, I will offer a poem for Him. I will make sure that that poem will be the most special I have done in my lifetime.
I only give poems to extremely special persons because my poetry speaks the words only my heart knows. Sometimes I even find it so weird that I end up reading my work then fidget because the words seem foreign to me; only then i will realize what I have written was what I really feel deep down.
In short, when I write poetry, it's as if I am not the one writing.
In my lifetime, I have given only 3 people poetry. God will be the most special recipient of my heartfelt composition this Christmas.
Which made me realize...poems will be special gifts this upcoming season of rejoicing. It's just sad only a few will receive. Hehe.
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*my metrocon experience, hillsong experience and group hurts next time. I'm to lazy to write.
7:38 PM
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I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Crying inside
I know they are talking about the camp...and about me.
I may have the headphones on full blast but I heard my mom telling my dad that I barely talked to her, that after school on Saturday I came home, said hello and went to my room to sleep without eating dinner and all that before the whole thing covered both my ears.
I know my dad wanted to pick me up Sunday early morning to go to camp but I refused. What was there to do? Four talks had passed and the tongues workshop and baptism were all over. So yeah, what else would I do? I had committed myself already to serve Kasangga? What else?
When they came home, they were all talking about the camp. How it was fun...how they all solved the problems...how everyone enjoyed. And bitter me sat there in the dinner table and didn't finish my food because I felt sick listening.
And so here I am, typing away while the headphones are in full blast. Typing all the bottled pain away. Typing so that in the end I can cry because since dad's announcement that I will not join camp I can't cry. I just can't.
I don't hate them. My parents. I just feel bad. So hurt. It felt so lonely a while ago in Kasangga. As much as possible I don't want people filling me in about camp. I don't want to.
I am crying inside because the people I love do not seem to understand me again. I know God didn't allow me to go because of reasons. But I don't want the hear the brutal words of Saturday early morning.
I don't want to recall.
I just want to cry...
so bad.
7:44 PM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
That Perfect Entry
It's still in the works...the entry about what had happened to me during the metrocon and the exciting stuff after it.
It's still in the works because *this* author can't still seem to find time to make long entries. Everyday she wakes up, dresses up, studies a lil, prays longer than she prepares for school, goes to school, sees her sanity slowly dissolve, goes home, barely touches her phone, can't even glimpse at the TV (whattaloser), studies, prays again, reviews her day and then sleeps. Sometimes she even dozes off right after her butt lands on the bed. Woo.
In short, I am going nuts and bananas.
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I miss a lot of people. I miss my high school friends...I miss jessa, my grade school best friend...I miss Carline (who I haven't talked to for a looooooooooooong time na).
I want time to stop so I can be with all the people I love and hug each of them.
I am in dire need of a hug =(
12:23 AM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Saturday, November 11, 2006
...
There are times you want to shut out from everything...from everyone. There are also times that your feelings get so narrowed you only feel the pain.
I know I must have faith but at the moment, all i can see are the tears dropping on the computer table and the things essential to make this pointless entry possible.
Pessimism is usually one's initial reaction.
There are times I just want to be alone and not be bothered at all.
One is now.
3:29 AM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
