Thursday, December 21, 2006
Happy, Happy, Happy!
This will be the very first after a long time that my breathing won't be too erratic due to nearing deadlines of requirements.
This will also be the very first after a long time that I won't have to worry MUCH about anything (well except the grand case, thesis title and metropsyche group case study...not a lot noh?).
I actually missed turning on the TV and bumming around doing nothing; savoring each sigh of relief from all the stresses of third year.
So what's the latest?
Since a lot of significant events have already gone by unwritten, I'll just rant and rave about the current status of my heart.
So how have I been?
I have been so blessed. Ever since the metrocon, my life went upside down...in a good way of course. I have realized how blessed I am to have a loving family in spite of each of their imperfections. I realized that I was trying to create an image of a perfect family but in truth there was really no such thing as perfect to begin with.
Through the years, my family had been the source of my ups and downs. They were the ones who hurt me the most in my entire life to the point that I even thought of entertaining the temptation of ending what turned out to be a wonderful existence. They were also the ones who rejoiced with me during moments of triumph...from my silent dad down to my charming little ate-hugging (and kissing) brother.
And I never knew how much I should value each one of them in spite of all the things they had done to hurt me if it weren't for the metrocon. All along I focused so much on me being hurt by them and not what they might be feeling when they hurt me. Call it selfish perhaps...I had been that superficial.
Well now, the arguments remain...that I can't deny; but now I learned how to understand them when those unfortunate events occur. After all it wasn't their choice to clash with me and maybe say things that seemed like stabs to the ego.
For my initially-hated group, I now understand each of them and why the behave that way thanks to the psychodynamics activity in Metropsyche. Again, I focused too much on the pain they gave me and not the pains I returned in unconscious revenge. To make things sweeter, I learned how to speak up when I feel the need to tell them they were going overboard with the teasings. In addition, I also realized how blessed my life was by doing my autobiography...tracing the developments ever since infancy. While doing that I felt how God has blessed me with a wonderful life...
my family...
my talents...
my friends...
my YFC family...
my God...
everyone that had passed by and stayed in memory and those who have remained close to my heart.
Without all the people I love I am not the Lesley Anne I am at the moment...vibrant and so much in love with life in its entirety!
Haha...I am actually extremely ecstatic at the moment. Everything I prayed to God for were granted. I am too blessed I couldn't ask for more!
I am happy. Extremely so.
7:48 PM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
Friday, December 15, 2006
No time...
I have failed to finish the metrocon post.
I also failed to rant about recent events...
about recent elations...recent tears.
All because I had no time to type entries as long as I want.
So this will be short. At the moment, I do not know why I feel so hurt but I am. Sometimes I wish I could take back time and reverse everything.
I'm so confused that I want time to speed up or even stop so I won't even think. I don't want to dwell on it anymore because in the process I find myself bruising myself so bad.
But whoever said it would be easy?
12:11 AM
-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----
