Sunday, November 12, 2006

Crying inside

I know they are talking about the camp...and about me.

I may have the headphones on full blast but I heard my mom telling my dad that I barely talked to her, that after school on Saturday I came home, said hello and went to my room to sleep without eating dinner and all that before the whole thing covered both my ears.

I know my dad wanted to pick me up Sunday early morning to go to camp but I refused. What was there to do? Four talks had passed and the tongues workshop and baptism were all over. So yeah, what else would I do? I had committed myself already to serve Kasangga? What else?

When they came home, they were all talking about the camp. How it was fun...how they all solved the problems...how everyone enjoyed. And bitter me sat there in the dinner table and didn't finish my food because I felt sick listening.

And so here I am, typing away while the headphones are in full blast. Typing all the bottled pain away. Typing so that in the end I can cry because since dad's announcement that I will not join camp I can't cry. I just can't.

I don't hate them. My parents. I just feel bad. So hurt. It felt so lonely a while ago in Kasangga. As much as possible I don't want people filling me in about camp. I don't want to.

I am crying inside because the people I love do not seem to understand me again. I know God didn't allow me to go because of reasons. But I don't want the hear the brutal words of Saturday early morning.

I don't want to recall.

I just want to cry...

so bad.

7:44 PM

-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----

Tag!




God's creation.

Lee-an. YFC. 19. Writer. Poet. Student Nurse. Future Forensic Expert. Fascinated with corpses and mummies (haha ang morbid ba?) Loves Edgar Allan Poe too much she is obsessed with his works. Loves Philosophy. Loves ranting about Politics. Gawad Kalinga Advocate. 100% Pure...dare to be. Melancholic.

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