Sunday, August 20, 2006
when thoughts pop up and exaggeration begins
It's august 20, 2006; barely one and a half month to the 19-years-old-life and I'm still not over the fact that I am nearing the dawn of another developmental stage---young adulthood.
According to Erikson, young adulthood starts actually at 18-19 and goes up to 35 years. After passing the crucial teenage years and the stage of identity vs. role confusion, I am now beginning to enter the stage of the dreaded intimacy vs. isolation.
In my case, nbsb (and i'd like to declare the first one void as it was really technically some childish game of best friends turned gf-bf for a month and the drama ensued...well that's another story i'd freakin like to forget and never repeat...i sound so defensive.), i'm not sure where i'll fare. Isolation, perhaps? Thinking of it even makes it scarier.
Well this post isn't really the whines of a desperate teenager thinking why at the moment I am absorbed in books while the others cry over boys; this is actually a level below whiny.
Okay seriously, this is one of those moments I lie in bed after watching some series that first made me fuzzy wuzzy all over and empty at the next minute.
I actually have a 12% lovelife. Or so I'd like it to be on that percentage.
To add to the drama is my mom who keeps on bugging me when I'd like to entertain beings of the opposite sex and actually start bringing them for critique.
I mean...WHY? Why does the world have to push you when you're not even thinking about it in the first place? Why did mom have to pull me beside her a while ago and give me a mini talk about boys and falling in love and studies and...
getting married?
Why does this have to be the standard according to esteemed theorists in development? Why does nineteen have to be the stage when people around, relatives especially, ask when you're freaking gonna bring someone to reunions?
My brain is actually telling me that i'm over exaggerating. Bah..who cares anyway?
Going back to the developmental stage, I am technically within the scope of intimacy vs isolation. Meaning, at this point in time, I should be forming relationships; in this stage, I must veer towards the fulfillment of intimacy or I'd find myself withdrawn from the world, alone and sulking in one corner why the state of single blessedness ever existed.
Looking around though, I'm not alone. There are others who I know never even had a girlfriend before.
and some of them are even older than me.
So what is the point of all these?
Well since I have two more years to finish college and time flies so fast you suddenly stop and realize you're freaking nineteen, I am at the point of wondering whether I'd really like to be in the medical field someday, cutting up people open to either save lives or further investigate cause of death.
I know whoever would actually read this post will think I am such a lunatic in planning ahead when I have still begun the race; add to that the sudden rush of thoughts about relationships and all that.
Honestly, I don't even know why I am feeling this way. Hormonal changes, perhaps, due to the start of my ovulation period? Things suddenly popped while I was watching Grey's Anatomy.
Well maybe it's also because of that certain episode about adult responsibility...or even the fact the whole series actually is a carbon copy of what I will be getting into if ever I do continue my hazy dreams of being a surgeon.
Argh...hodge podge thoughts... nonsensical incoherence!
To actually summarize these (if ever the next thing i'll type would fare for a summary), I am actually in the state of wonder.
I'm scared.
I'm still actually a kid. I'd like to believe that fairytales are true and that eating oreo is better than actually _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _n _ _ _ _.
Dream on, Lesley Anne.
Dream on.
12:40 AM
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I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
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