Thursday, August 03, 2006

in memory of...

Sometimes, it is okay to question God, just like a famous author wrote in his book. And last night, as I said my final prayers and bade goodbye with tears suppressed, I squeezed my rosary bracelet and asked Him why.

I thought I was emotionally prepared for the moment; that the delivery would be just like any other. But when the baby's skull-less head was peeping and three doctors were pulling his neck to get him out, my walls crumbled.

Silently, I was praying to God to somehow save him, even for a day. To make him strong as he was too fragile to be. I prayed hard to the point that a few tears were already trickling down my cheek. Though I knew the risk of death was high, I was expectant of a miracle. I somehow affirmed myself that God was great and majestic; that at a fingersnap, he can help the infant see the grandeur of His creation. Just for a day, Lord God, I prayed. Just a day.

But God did not snap.

A few minutes later, he finally came out after being pulled out forcefully. Tears fell from most of our eyes while the others watched with great suppression of pain. Though I cried a few, I placed my masks to hide my feeling of grief. I thought, this was something I should get used to; something i should accept. One after the other I placed my mask. One after another, one after another.

As he was being given postmortem care, his eyes were open yet lifeless;they seem to stare at you with great agony. His lifeless body was pallor white and his frame was small and limp.

Without the knowledge of the rest, I gave him a silent baptism and prayed to God that I wasn't too late to.

'Til now I still ask God why.

Without any other words; just "why?"

12:06 AM

-----*-----
I don't care what the world
throws at me now.
It's gonna be alright.
-----*-----

Tag!




God's creation.

Lee-an. YFC. 19. Writer. Poet. Student Nurse. Future Forensic Expert. Fascinated with corpses and mummies (haha ang morbid ba?) Loves Edgar Allan Poe too much she is obsessed with his works. Loves Philosophy. Loves ranting about Politics. Gawad Kalinga Advocate. 100% Pure...dare to be. Melancholic.

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